life and death

today is steves birthday. he died on the summer solstice a year ago. i miss him more and more. martha is still inconsolable.

last week, i was in the san francisco area (orinada is next to berkeley) to help stacy take care of her mom. when i was there three weeks earlier, alice was exhibiting slight signs of a stroke -- nothing too demonstrative but she was taken to the emergency room. she came back two days later with a diagnosis of alzheimers though she had no symptoms of alzheimers. the doctors had to make some diagnosis because thats what they do... but then she did start to exhibit signs of alzheimers... (you could almost think it was suggested by the diagnosis...) very quickly she went from stage two to stage six, really in three days... and alzheimers is a very slow-progressing disease...

experts now determine that alice is suffering with a very rare disease similar to mad cow --creutzfeldt-jakob disease -- a rapid, degerative brain affliction that turns the organ into a spongy mush. and physical, emotional, and mental functions deteriorate as the brain does. quickly.

there are several websites for information. and mad cow is not only in cows and humans -- the deer on bobs farm in oregon had it last year... maybe that accounts for bobs craziness!!!

as with any caregiving, a sense of compassion and a sense of humor are vital. and support is key.

stacys aunt meri, alices sister, was there to help and was tireless in her help. stacy has a six-month old baby and a three-year old girl. tater and coconut. and a husband, my friend chuck. and now her mother... it is a lot to handle.

people coming to visit were useless -- making things even more difficult... and professional care had not started yet. so i went to pitch in.

o i didnt do that much -- made food, helped with moving alice, watching the babies... working together makes difficult work enjoyable -- something always to remember as a caregiver: dont do it all yourself.

martha and i learned this well taking care of steve. 3 am toilet dramas would launch us into giggles and gagging... sleep deprivation and living room defication are handled better with a friend...

the feng shui has been difficult for health recently: both july and september have extreme illness and death. and october has the same...

i am so grateful my mother is fine, my family (knock wood) are all ok. besides stacys mother being sick; chuck, stacys husband, his mother has a relapse of cancer; and rich, stacys brother-in-law, his mother is dying of cancer.

marthas dear friend and neighbor joan, her husband doesnt have long to live...

and my dear friend, client, and student... my compatriot and bon vivant wifey, her father is hospitalized with a rare form of blood cancer. she is devasted. and rundown from being present for her parents...

the tough times are not only economic. but the blessing is that we have each other through it all.